By Kimberly Gralnick, Special to The Well Mom
Take a moment and notice what you say to yourself throughout the day. These can be the things that you say out loud and the things that you say in your head. If you start saying, “I can’t do this,” you probably can’t. If you hear your baby crying and say “ARGH. I can’t handle this right now,” you probably will not be able to. If you tell your baby to “chill out,” you may need to tell yourself that.  Take a notepad and write down all of the things that you say to yourself in a typical day. I bet there are a lot of them. Star the things that make you feel empowered and circle the things that make you feel disempowered. What are you saying about yourself both good and bad as a mother? You want to really notice these. Are you saying “I have the innate ability to be the best mom ever, I just have to check in” or are you saying “I have no idea how to do this.”
 
Take all of the positive things that you say and reinforce them. Write them down in lots of places. Make a poster. Tell others how great you are. If you did not say anything positive, get started now. “I am doing the best I can. I am my baby’s mother and I only have to meet his or her needs. I am a caring, compassionate mom. My baby feels loved by me. Everything is happening to make my life and my baby’s life better.” The more you talk about something, the more it starts to show up in your life. If you notice where you are doing a great job, you are going to start doing a great job for a longer time and in more ways. You are also going to appreciate yourself. 
 
Now take all of the negative words and phrases from your list and write down the opposite. “I am a good mother because I am trying my best.” “Even though I don’t know how to do this, I am learning a bit more every day.” You want to take your most negative beliefs and attack them. You do this by getting yourself to notice where you are already disproving them. Nothing is all black or white. If you don’t think you have enough patience, start noticing when you are patient. Congratulate yourself on your patience. It, too, will start to grow.
 
Ask yourself what you want to teach your little one? She (or he) is going to be affected by your unspoken beliefs, by the things that you say to yourself when no one is listening. So, take that notepad of things you say to yourself and ask some key questions. These questions will help you to gain clarity. By the way, questions are a great tool. Anytime you want to change the way you think, ask a better question.

- Is this what I want to say about myself? Would I want my daughter (or son) to say this about him or her self? I will bet you say “No!!”
- If my son or daughter were saying this, what would I say to him or her?
- If this is a disempowering statement, what is the opposite of it?
- What is really true here?
- How can I handle this more easily?
 
You are well on your way. The last step is to let "perfect" go. You are not going to be perfect, but you are going to just keep getting a little better. Have some compassion for yourself. Also, believe that you have the ability to be a great mother. You have an innate knowledge that does not come from class, learning—it just comes from the fact that you are a mother, and you were given a knowledge of how to respond to your little one. Who are you? You are a great mother because you took the time to read this.
 
Good luck. I know that you are doing your best. And you are doing a great job.
 

Kimberly Gralnick is a personal coach, trainer, and mom. She likes to engage people in empowering conversations that help them to overcome their obstacles and create lives that match their highest visions. She can be reached at coachkym@earthlink.net.